Saturday, April 12, 2014

Good night!

The semester is more than halfway through. I'm exhausted and work has been asking a lot of me. Through all of this, I remain grateful. I may not always project that, but it is true. My family comes first and I know they're happy and healthy and that makes me feel sound. 

I am currently reading two books: The Road by Cormac McCarthy and Life of Pi by Yan Martel. Equally challenging philosophical books, but enjoyable reads. Hard to read them at the same time though, but that's what my current schedule calls for.

Outside of this heavy stuff, my young cousin from my husbands side has asked me to make her a blanket to see her off for college. I am more than honored to do so. In fact her request has sparked a drive that I haven't seen in awhile. I look forward to making something f that she will seek comfort in. I think my problem with having an etsy shop is, I don't find pleasure in making things for money. I find pleasure in making things that people  really want. Spending my own money for the pleasure of ones happiness is my happiness - if that makes any sense at all. To make something with no personal satisfaction seems empty to me. Maybe that's why I am a terrible business owner. I want more than what money could provide; I am ok with that!

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Sharon Olds

On Wednesday nights I attend a critical analysis English class. This class is everything I've wanted for the past couple of years. A class to challenge my writing, to force me to become a more articulated person, to use more effective verbs, so learn how to analyze writing. 

Lately we have been analyzing poetry. I never thought I'd find so much joy in an open forum setting of throwing interpretations around. It feels good to be around other like minded individuals who enjoy spending hours on a few lines. 

Tonight we read a poem called 'I Go Back to May 1937' by Sharon Olds. We literally spent 2 hours on this poem and I loved it. When I came home tonight I had to look her up and read another one of her poems. Thanks goodness for the dark, bc tears were welling up as I read this piece. I'll probably remember this poem forever. And in 14 years, I hope to read it again.

High School Senior (from The Wellspring)

For seventeen years, her breath in the house at night, puff, puff, like summer 
cumulus above her bed, 
and her scalp smelling of apricots
--this being who had formed within me, 
squatted like a bright tree-frog in the dark, like an eohippus she had come out of history slowly, through me, into the daylight, I had the daily sight of her, 
like food or air she was there, like a mother. 
I say "college," but I feel as if I cannot tell
the difference between her leaving for college and our parting forever--I try to see this house without her, without her pure depth of feeling, without her creek-brown hair, her daedal hands with their tapered  fingers, her pupils dark as the mourning cloak's wing, but I can't. Seventeen years ago, in this room, she moved inside me, I looked at the river, I could not imagine my life with her. I gazed across the street, and saw, in the icy winter sun, a column of steam rush up away from the earth. There are creatures whose children float away at birth, and those who throat-feed their young for weeks and never see them again. My daughter is free and she is in me--no, my love 
of her is in me, moving in my heart, 
changing chambers, like something poured from hand to hand, to be weighed and then reweighed.

Ugh - this poem kills me!!

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Less Puffy.

Since I am anti scale, I rely on pictures and generally how I feel. I have to say that 3 weeks into working out daily that I feel really good. The combination of moving my body, vitamins, and a lot of water is helping my overall well being. I like this path I am going down :)

I attended a seminar last night about detoxification and how it's beneficial to our bodies. I'm intrigued and would like to do one. I just need to research the cost and see if it's feasible. I can commit to a 3 day juice cleanse and that's it. I know my limitations, but if I can give my body the best nutrients without causing my body to use energy to break anything down, I'm game. I really like the idea of cleaning out my large intestine and this is a good way to do so. It sounds/looks so weird to type that out, but it's true...I would like to get those pipes cleaned! Lol

Tonight I did a side-by-side of my face. Little changes are changes and I'm happy that the hard work is gradually paying off. I can see my cheeks are not so full and even my eyes don't look as puffy. I'm curious to how my body will morph with more and more exercise. This is actually becoming fun. Omg - who am I...I would have never said working out was fun before all this haha.

Sunday, January 12, 2014

T25 and MELT

Tomorrow begins the 3rd week of T25. I feel like my mental routine is setting into place now. Each day I work out and even when I struggle with not wanting to - I push myself to put in the DVD and get to moving. 

In addition to T25, i am incorporating some MELT method ( techniques, using a foam roller for my body and different sized balls for my feet. With all the intense cardio I am doing, stress from parenting, and stress from work and everyday life it is nice to use this method to relax my body. I appreciate that like my workouts, I can do this all on a very small space in my home. My MIL introduced me to this practice and I'm excited to see how my body responds to doing the MELT method on a daily basis.

2 week T25 BodyTransition 

MELT Method Tools

Goodbye Reagan!

Reagan Allen - ugh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didnt see how badly you were hurting. I wish things were different for you so that you didn't struggle with life. It's still very surreal that you are not here. I feel like I am in limbo with my emotions when I think of your passing. My eyes well up and I want to cry, but then there is an undeniable sense of peace that I feel for you. The tears are for your pain and my selfishness of wanting you back with your friends and family. But I respect your decision and I know it was made out of pure desperation. We will see each other again. And when we do, I expect to pick back up where we left off.

You were loved, you are loved, you will never be forgotten.


Sunday, January 5, 2014

T25 - Week 1 - DONE

I'm feeling good and quite accomplished. My sister and I were talking about how mentally we feel like we are getting into the zone. I think once we get over that mental wall then all will be good.

Tonight I finished week 1 with the stretch DVD. I've learned that my left ham string is super tight. As I was doing some crazy stretch (pictured below), my right leg was loose and I swear I felt like my left hamstring was going to rip apart. I hope as the weeks progress I'll gain more flexibility.

Right Hamstring

Left Hamstring (ouch!) 
It was so tight I couldn't relax enough to not have my right foot pointed.

And a proper image of the muscle that is giving me problems.

Thursday, January 2, 2014

T25 - Day 4.

Tonight's workout was all about abdominal work. I know I need this the most because it's the hardest workout for me. Like last nights workout, I was tired and was on the fence with doing the workout. But I just pushed forward and like last night, I'm so glad I did. 

I love feeling relaxed and accomplished when all is said and done. Life is pretty good when I put in the hard work to reap the benefits.